Menstruating in medical school.
No, not learning when the hormones go up and down and all that jazz. Actually doing it. Menstruating.
I was in a nine hour case, retracting my heart out like a good little medical student should. Two attendings elbow deep in a young patient, when the patient starts to hemorrhage. My retracting job just got serious, and I am pulling that tissue all the right ways to help them visualize their fields, when I feel it. Blood. Not the blood gushing from the patient. The blood gushing from between my legs.
I have irregular periods so I never know when it's going to strike, but I am hoping this is just a little warning flow. Minutes later I feel the warmth trickling down my right leg, then my left. I started a new surgical service this week, and this is not the type of surgery where polite interruptions are tolerated. I keep my mouth shut and keep retracting.
The blood on my thighs feels like it is drying, and I know that no one can see through my surgical gown to my stained scrub pants. The OR is never a comfortable place. I keep retracting. The blood under my pants feels dry now, but the blood over my gloves is hot and flowing. If I ask to scrub out, I am worried I will be replaced. And how do I explain myself to the all-male team? "I'm sick?" Ha, not if you want to be taken seriously. "I'm menstruating?" Don't know how that will go down. Will they wonder why I am not prepared or why it's a big deal. I say nothing.
An hour later, the next gush. I can feel the blood to my knee, then slowly, gradually the first trickles drip over the sides of my kneecap, down to my ankles, and the blood seeps into my socks. I try to look down to see if there is blood on the floor. Of course there is, but it's from the patient. My menstrual blood may or may not be dripping on to the blood spilled from her abdomen. There is an uncomfortable stickiness from my crotch to my thighs where half-dried blood is congealing. Well, might as well go all in, I say to myself. I keep retracting.
Hours later, the case ends. We close the patient, and I dodge out quickly as soon as I scrub out. The long surgical gown no longer covering me, but bloody pants are not too out of the ordinary in this setting. I grab a new pair of scrubs in the hallway, and duck in the nearest single stall bathroom to assess the damage.
When I am done, I trash the pants. There is so much menstrual blood that I have to take a paper towel and clean the bathroom floors and walls where my blood splattered as I removed the sticky red and blue pants. I don't have any tampons so I wad up cheap toilet paper and make do, trying to run back out to help with the post-op work before anyone notices I was gone.
That case was awhile ago. But the issue keeps coming up. This week I had to duck out of rounds when my period decided to show up. I walked away from the team just as the fellow arrived. Did not look good. But I was headed straight to the OR after rounds and did not want to be bleeding all over myself the whole case. My period is always an annoying surprise because it is irregular and it starts by being crazy heavy all of a sudden. No warning spotting for me. Rounding on patient, seeing someone with the attending in clinic, big OR case, and boom! blood gushing from between my legs.
I don't need a way to deal with it. I am just going to do my thing, and bleed until a bathroom break is more convenient or until I just decide to go and damn the consequences.
I saw a photo of a marathon runner who ran a race while not stopping to deal with the menstrual blood caking her slim pale yellow running outfit. She is my hero. Maybe the feminist in me kind of likes it. Well yeah, male colleagues, you felt tired or started sweating in that OR? Well, did you feel your own warm blood spurting out your genitals while you kept on retracting/rounding/presenting? Women in surgery are beasts. We keep bleeding but won't die. :)
No, not learning when the hormones go up and down and all that jazz. Actually doing it. Menstruating.
I was in a nine hour case, retracting my heart out like a good little medical student should. Two attendings elbow deep in a young patient, when the patient starts to hemorrhage. My retracting job just got serious, and I am pulling that tissue all the right ways to help them visualize their fields, when I feel it. Blood. Not the blood gushing from the patient. The blood gushing from between my legs.
I have irregular periods so I never know when it's going to strike, but I am hoping this is just a little warning flow. Minutes later I feel the warmth trickling down my right leg, then my left. I started a new surgical service this week, and this is not the type of surgery where polite interruptions are tolerated. I keep my mouth shut and keep retracting.
The blood on my thighs feels like it is drying, and I know that no one can see through my surgical gown to my stained scrub pants. The OR is never a comfortable place. I keep retracting. The blood under my pants feels dry now, but the blood over my gloves is hot and flowing. If I ask to scrub out, I am worried I will be replaced. And how do I explain myself to the all-male team? "I'm sick?" Ha, not if you want to be taken seriously. "I'm menstruating?" Don't know how that will go down. Will they wonder why I am not prepared or why it's a big deal. I say nothing.
An hour later, the next gush. I can feel the blood to my knee, then slowly, gradually the first trickles drip over the sides of my kneecap, down to my ankles, and the blood seeps into my socks. I try to look down to see if there is blood on the floor. Of course there is, but it's from the patient. My menstrual blood may or may not be dripping on to the blood spilled from her abdomen. There is an uncomfortable stickiness from my crotch to my thighs where half-dried blood is congealing. Well, might as well go all in, I say to myself. I keep retracting.
Hours later, the case ends. We close the patient, and I dodge out quickly as soon as I scrub out. The long surgical gown no longer covering me, but bloody pants are not too out of the ordinary in this setting. I grab a new pair of scrubs in the hallway, and duck in the nearest single stall bathroom to assess the damage.
When I am done, I trash the pants. There is so much menstrual blood that I have to take a paper towel and clean the bathroom floors and walls where my blood splattered as I removed the sticky red and blue pants. I don't have any tampons so I wad up cheap toilet paper and make do, trying to run back out to help with the post-op work before anyone notices I was gone.
That case was awhile ago. But the issue keeps coming up. This week I had to duck out of rounds when my period decided to show up. I walked away from the team just as the fellow arrived. Did not look good. But I was headed straight to the OR after rounds and did not want to be bleeding all over myself the whole case. My period is always an annoying surprise because it is irregular and it starts by being crazy heavy all of a sudden. No warning spotting for me. Rounding on patient, seeing someone with the attending in clinic, big OR case, and boom! blood gushing from between my legs.
I don't need a way to deal with it. I am just going to do my thing, and bleed until a bathroom break is more convenient or until I just decide to go and damn the consequences.
I saw a photo of a marathon runner who ran a race while not stopping to deal with the menstrual blood caking her slim pale yellow running outfit. She is my hero. Maybe the feminist in me kind of likes it. Well yeah, male colleagues, you felt tired or started sweating in that OR? Well, did you feel your own warm blood spurting out your genitals while you kept on retracting/rounding/presenting? Women in surgery are beasts. We keep bleeding but won't die. :)
